I am not the same person I was a month ago, a week ago, or even yesterday. 

Of the many things in our collective world that Covid-19 has shook up around me, it's my inner world that has felt the most impact. What were once small cracks in my belief systems are now yawning windows that invite into my depths the light of awareness. So much of my being has become known to me, however not all parts for the first time. Everyday feels like a remembering, a coming home to Self. 

Unobscured, I can now fully see the beliefs, habits, and patterns that have contributed to the intricate fabric of my being. Not all are easy to look at. The ones I identify to be limiting, ones that I had been grasping onto and letting govern me for far too long, I let fall away. In their place, they leave space agape. They land in a softened heap at my feet and I observe them all one last time for what they are, thank them for the distance they carried me, and return my gaze to the brilliant windows. Held up with curiosity, I decide to keep them open and to continue to allow the light in. What else is there to discover  in this newly revealed space? 

With curiosity as my guide, I’ve begun to know of the ever-expanding depths there is to discover within my Self when the parts that no longer feel true have gone. Inside, I have reconnected with the stillness, truth, imagination, creativity, and resilience of my being. Perhaps the most stunning thing this exploration reveals is my growing practice of non-attachment to my experiences. Being able to see, let go of, and create again is, for me, the essential practice of non-attachment. It enables me to give myself permission to worry less about filling my spaciousness with doing and to instead rest in the presence of being. 

I was, I am, I will be. 

Again, again, and again. 

Most certainly this transformational cycle has been happening inside me all along; the difference now is my awareness of it. Choosing to be present for my continuous evolution is no small choice. It is a practice that requires resiliency: the ability to continue to return home to my Self no matter which beliefs, habits, or patterns I pick up along the way that lead me further from Self. My resiliency practice changes with me. Right now, my practice looks like daily artistic expression through writing and painting. These creative modalities allow my insides to take form in the outside world so that I can better see and hold the parts of myself that might otherwise remain hidden. While I am immensely grateful for this current season and the transformational growth it continues to bring me, I know that I will not always be here. What I do know, is that right now, it is my truest path home to my Self. 

Onward!

Experienced, cultivated, and written by the divine, Delaney Rohel.

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